Ikea

We went to Ikea last night, as apparently does every other last person that moves anywhere near to Chicago. I think they were all there last night, at about 10 minutes to closing, with us. If you've not heard of Ikea...wait, everybody has heard of Ikea. They sell what I'm going to call "near-furniture". You can get a bed, a dresser, a lamp, a table, and maybe a kitchen, for like $87. And, it will all fit neatly into your car in square boxes. Of course, assembling the stuff and actually getting it to look anything like what you saw at the store will require the same skill and diligence used by NASA crews when assembling rockets and boosters to the space shuttle prior to launch. In terms of what the near-furniture is made of, it's analagous to spam (the food) - there's probably some meat in there, but then there's also all kinds of "other". With the Ikea near-furniture, some of it is wood, but a lot of it is smoke and mirrors or, I guess, particle board and laminate.

That company has got it figured out. I was actually so impressed by their scheme that I went home and tried to buy their stock. Turns out, they're private. And Swedish. Figures. They don't need equity investors because they're making money hand over fist. The consumer thinks he's getting a great deal because he can scrounge around in his old couch for enough money to go buy a new one at Ikea. But really, he's the one holding the short straw because all he is buying is raw materials, and really crappy ones at that, and supplying all the labor himself. So instead of paying more and getting a nice piece of furniture made of solid, durable wood, expertly designed and hand-crafted together, you get glorified cardboard which will be assembled by an idiot (you) using cams, a provided screwdriver, and other nondescript parts, which came in a little baggie, guided by directions with pictures and no words. All the company has to do is cobble together this mess of cardboard into a big store, set up one of everything, and watch the people go nuts. You even have to go to the warehouse with a number and pull the box yourself, like you're doing inventory. There aren't any employees to help. All these functions which would normally be undertaken by the company, like building the furniture or manning the warehouse, are transferred to the customer. And customers keep coming in droves. Lots of sales, little overhead. It's genius!

Alas, I suppose the night was successful. We got out of there with a dining room table and a bookshelf (I use those terms loosely) for less than I've spent on a good pair of shoes. But the image of all those people, looking idiot-faced and wild-eyed, stampeding through that ginormous store like they'd just won a shopping spree at Pottery Barn, will be seared into my memory forever. Or maybe just until tomorrow, hopefully.

In summary, here's what our dining room table, and four chairs mind you, looked like when we bought it...



And after assembly...


It's magical. It's Ikea.

Josh